Thinking of you
by Maria Winchester
Summary: She looked at his calm peaceful face and all she could think was that he wasn't the one  songfic


**Title:** Thinking of you (songfic)  
**Fandom:** Supernatural/Roswell  
**Rating:** M  
**Pairings:** Dean/Maria  
**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. Supernatural belongs to the CW and Eric Kripke. The song "Thinking of you" is by Katy Perry  
**Spoiler: **The first episode of Supernatural season 4

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He lay sleeping next to her, his dark brown hair cast against the pillow. She had been really bitchy at him all day, but she'd let him have sex with her anyway. Now she sat on the opposite side of the bed, staring at her boyfriend…the man she was supposed to love. The man who had found her broken and had tried desperately to keep the pieces together. She looked at his calm peaceful face and all she could think was that he wasn't the one.

_Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one  
I still got the seed_

They met in the summer time. It was hot and so was she as he had had no problem pointing out. Once he got past all the bullshit she found himself laughing at his jokes, looking over to stare at him more than she should have. It was surprising to both of them, how quickly they had fallen in love, though neither of them would admit it to the other.

People had warned her, even his brother. It wasn't his first time in town and she wasn't the first girl he had made laugh. But she didn't care, because when she was with him she felt like the only girl that mattered. And he was proving to her every day that whatever people had to say about him was bullshit anyways. He was even proving his brother wrong, even as traveling sales men his brother was shocked that every time they left they always went back to her, whether Sam liked it or not.

_You said move on  
Where do I go  
I guess second best  
Is all I will know_

That was just how they worked though. He would leave, she would pretend as if he hadn't been there, and then he would return and they were as fiercely in love as when he had left. She loved those days when she would wake up and see his face smushed into her pillow, his sandy brown hair strewn every which way, his tired eyelids hiding his beautiful laughing green eyes. He looked young, when he slept…more innocent.

He had always said that she had cast some sort of spell on him, that he should be running around bedding every girl he could find, instead every free minute he had was spent thinking about her long blond hair, the way the room brightened when she laughed. The way that even though he had seen her in the most intimate ways he could still make her blush with a word.

_Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes_

They weren't perfect to the world's eyes, but they were perfect for each other, and that was all that had mattered. Then one night, after they had made love, he told her something that made her heart break in a million pieces. He was leaving. He couldn't see her where he was going because he would never be able to come back. He was going to hell, because he had made a deal, and he didn't think there was a way out of it.

She didn't believe him. She yelled and called him a liar and said if he really wanted out there was no need to make up stories, there was the front door…he could go as he pleased. But he had better not ever come back. He left with tears in his eyes and she felt like her soul was being ripped out of her. She tried calling him to apologize...to say she was sorry and to tell him to come back and they would work on whatever was wrong, that they would fix it. He never answered his cell phone. The last call she made was answered. It was Sam.

"Maria? I'm sorry. He's…dead. I'm sorry. He loved you, though. I know he did."

She didn't ever hear anything after that. She was crying too hard.

_You're like an Indian summer  
In the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy  
With a surprise center  
How do I get better  
Once I've had the best  
You said there's  
Tons of fish in the water  
So the waters I will test_

She erased every memory she had ever had of him…his number, the pictures they took together, every song that he used to make her listen to. Tried to erase him from her mind but he had invaded her so deeply that she felt him in her pores. Then Tyler had come. She found herself grinning at him while she worked…it was easy to like him. He was cute, with his Dark hair and bright blue eyes. She had only wanted to forget…so she said yes when he asked her out. She said yes again, when he asked her on a second date, and a third. And she said yes when he wanted to take the next step. And as she sat across from him while he slept at his apartment…all she wanted to feel was love. But she just felt sick. And that's when she knew…she couldn't be with him.

_He kissed my lips  
I taste your mouth  
He pulled me in  
I was disgusted with myself_

"Hey." His sleepy voice reached over to grab her. "What are you doing? Come here."

She shook her head. "No. I can't."

"What?" he asked confused.

"I can't do this…I…I can't be with you. I…don't love you." She said, her voice heavy with sorrow.

"But you still love him, right? When are you going to get that he's never coming back! He is DEAD, Maria. He's never coming back!" He yelled.

She rose still, and pulled on her clothes. "I'm sorry." She whispered as she walked out his door.

_Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into..._

It was sunny as she walked back to her small house, but she still felt cold. She didn't think she would ever feel warm again. She kicked herself every day for how she had let him go. Why didn't she believe him? Why didn't she spend every last second of his life with him, loving him, giving him something to fight for? Why had she let him walk away? She promised herself, here and now…if she was ever given the chance to do things differently, she would have stopped him from leaving. But there was no going back. There were no do-overs. He was gone. The one person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life and he was gone.

Tears ran down her face and she swatted at them unsuccessfully. She only wanted to be home. She didn't even take the time to notice the black impala sitting across the street.

_You're the best  
And yes I do regret  
How I could let myself  
Let you go  
Now the lesson's learned  
I touched it I was burned  
Oh I think you should know_

Walking up the stairs to her house, she noticed a pair of brown boots on her porch. There was a man sitting on her stoop, a man with familiar green eyes and a frightened smile. She froze in place, not wanting to move for fear that it was all a dream and if she moved wrong she would wake up and he would be gone again. Gently, she reached up and let her fingertips caress his face.

"Maria…" he strangled out. "I—."

She attacked him, then. Jumped on top of him where he sat and pressed her lips tightly to his. He leaned back against the stairs and cradled her with his arms, sighing contentedly.

She didn't care that they were making a scene on her front porch. She didn't care that there was no plausible explanation for him being here…being alive. She didn't care that he was covered in dirt and looked like he hadn't slept in months. She didn't care that he could possibly take off again, and leave her heart broken.

_Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Oh won't you walk through  
And bust in the door  
And take me away  
Oh no more mistakes  
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..._

Dean was alive. And that was all that mattered.

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